CommentStreams:A9e1fd966116657f182dc82fa171c7c2

One of the sites I regularly visit saved the lyrics and story behind "If I Were The King", so at least the lyrics can be circulated.

"A long time ago, I used to work for a software company where I met a woman named Charmin. I couldn't believe her name was actually Charmin. I mean, damn, can you?

Anyway, I had a crush on her, and one afternoon I wrote a poem about her based on that old "Don't squeeze the Charmin" TV ad for Charmin paper towel.

I just dug it up. Could you set it to music? Man, I'd pretty much wet myself if you did. No, really.

If I Were The King A Poem By Patrick Roscoe

If I was the King I would be so alarmin' That no one would guess I was squeezin' the Charmin

If I was the King, well, I'd say to my barman: "Hey, pour me a Coke!" As I softly squeezed Charmin

If I were the King Everyone would say "Darlin... Is that you in the basement there Squeezing poor Charmin?"

If I was the King Man, I'd call myself Star Man And wear a big space-suit While squeezin' my Charmin.

If I was the King I would FIRE that Tarman And pave roads myself While squeezin' the Charmin

If I was the King... Damn, my name would be "Marvin"! And I'd eat some grits, man While squeezing sweet Charmin

If I was the King Holy ****, I'd be carvin' A big bloody steak As I softly squeezed Charmin

If I was the king I would be so damn charmin' That no would notice me Squeezin' the Charmin"