TAS 1000 (partially found audio releases of Canadian band; 2002-2003)

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Tas1000logo.png

TAS 1000 logo as seen on A Message for Marta.

Status: Partially Found

TAS 1000 was an experimental, Canadian indie rock band that is most famous for creating the song, "(I've Been) Delayed" which went on to be featured in Penguin Chat 3 and Club Penguin. It was formed by Matthew Krysko and consisted of his friends, Cassidy Picken, Scott Howard, and John Rogers. They had their debut show on October 31st, 2002 at Ms. T's Cabaret.[1] They would host a few shows in Vancouver and Victoria until 2005.[2] By 2003, John and Scott left the band to join Zeus. At TAS 1000's farewell concert in either 2005 or 2006 (unconfirmed), the remaining members destroyed their trademark answering machine.[3][4] Despite having gained an extremely small but loyal fanbase since then, many of their audio releases are now lost.

Origins

In August of 2001, one of its members purchased a Sanyo TAS 1000 VOX answering machine from a Value Village thrift store in Kelowna. They soon realized that the previous owner, Marta Leskard, forgot to take her cassette tape out of it. The recordings that it held contained "musical potential."[3]

"[U]pon repetition, recorded speech simultaneously loses its meaning and discloses distinct tonal properties, conferring an anthemic quality upon ordinary and banal phrases. This effect can be driven home by the use of a ‘scratching’ technique, whereby the answering machine’s rewind button is manipulated to rapidly highlight short sections of monologue."[2]

Releases

A Message for Marta

The release date for "epochal debut album" is somewhat of a mystery.[5] The CD case insert and disc art lists a copyright year of 2002, but TAS 1000 implied that it was available to purchase online starting on January 12th, 2003.[6][7][4]

Florian EP

On February 5th, 2002, TAS 1000 uploaded an mp3 of one of their songs, "Right On Girl."[8] It is unlikely that the band produced any CDs for this album or if any other songs were meant to be included in it.[4] "Right on Girl" would later fall into the "Unreleased TAS 1000 Songs / Outtakes" category on their website sometime between December 4th, 2002 and August 4th, 2003.[9][10]

Ron Rondon Calling

On April 7th, 2003, the band allegedly released the single, Ron Rondon Calling. It is made up of tracks from A Message for Marta that include "(I've Been) Delayed," "Parks Canada," "I'm at 9933," as well as "a new, previously unreleased Rondon track."[11] To date, no physical or digital copies of this single have been discovered. Despite having a dedicated store page, it is unlikely that this single released at all when taking into account a blog post that humouously described it as "[a] sham."[12][13][4] The cover art is a parody of The Clash's London Calling album.

Unreleased TAS 1000 Songs / Outtakes

TAS 1000 also released several, unreleased songs on their website throughout 2003. Aside from "Right On Girl," which had its own separate release, no other songs from this category have been found. The reason why these songs were unreleased is because "TAS 1000 [wrote] and produce[d] their songs according to a strict set of rules. One message per song; song must be based on message's musical merit primarily; no recycling messages, etc. These songs fail in at least one of these regards."[10]

Original Tapes

In addition to their remixed songs, the band also released mp3s of every voice message that was recorded on their Sanyo TAS 1000 machine.[10] To this day, the only full voice messages that have been found come from "Not A Real Person" and "(I've Been) Delayed."

Avaliability

Songs

A Message for Marta

# Song Digital Release Date (.mp3) Status Description
1 "Not A Real Person" N/A Found "Marta's scathing intro."[14]
2 "(I've Been) Delayed" February 1st, 2002 or February 8th, 2002 Found (Original mp3) "Pick this up and check this out."[15]


"Song length: 2:57

Starring: Ron Rondon

Folky acoustic guitar driven pop with a dash of the south pacific here and there."[16]

3 "Protein Shoes" February 5th, 2002 Found "You took a pair."[17]


"Song length: 3:21

Starring: Jayne Brooks

Jayne gets down with her bad self (Sassy J) in this non-stop funk explosion. This song seemed almost impossible to record correctly the first 5 times around; if you look hard you might be able to find versions of this song with an out of tune horn section. The months of toil finally paid of with the completion of this final version. "[18]

4 "Birthday" N/A Found "Song length: 2:37

Starring: Graham

Gentle Graham leaves a message for Krysha (Marta's alleged niece) to impart his birthday wishes. In an interview with the Kwantlen Kronickle, Marta reports that, on Krysha's last birthday, the family listened to this TAS 1000 hit song to celebrate. This is an amazing fact."[19]

5 "I Am Truly Fully Licensed Hairstylist" January 13th, 2003 Found "Song length: 4:05

Starring: A.J. Whalen

Here is what one listener wrote about this track:

'I am truly fully licensed hairstylist' just makes me feel... good. Seriously. It makes me so happy. 'Have an awesome day, buhbye!'

Listeners should keep in mind that TAS 1000 destroyed all of their equipment during the coda of this song at their last gig at the Pic Pub. This was the same gig at which Darcy Hancock (of the Nova Scotias, the Metic, Jon-Rae Fletcher and the River, and Ladyhawk) was made ill by TAS 1000's fog machine. We hope this song will not make you ill, but happy."[20]

6 "Ya, I'm Here" N/A Found "If you listen closely, you can hear a saxophone meandering through a solo. A six second interlude captured from an average day in the Leskard household."[21]
7 "Science And Technology" N/A Found "Song length: 4:00

Starring: Shinette"[22]

8 "Business Card Ad" N/A Found "Song length: 4:09

Starring: Christine Chamberlain"[23]

9 "Irrigation" N/A Found "Song length: 2:58

Starring: Francine"[24]

10 "Parks Canada" N/A Found Song length: 3:14

Starring: Ron Rondon


Quoth one fan: 'I think if I listened to this song all the way through, I would go insane.' TAS 1000 hastens to add that, if this listener held onto his sanity until the end of the song, he would be treated to a feast of bongo drums and trumpets."[25]

11 "Before You Leave" N/A Found "Song length: 2:11

Starring: Mrs. Sherib


Garoofs, paycheques, guarantees; This song is confusing. Confusing like whales jumping through clouds..."[26]

12 "I'm at 9933" N/A Found "Song length: 5:01

Starring: Ron Rondon


The epic dance anthem that started it all. With but a few fiddles, a TAS (not shown), and a tamborine, TAS 1000 caught the ear of passerby Jay C. Watts--TAS 1000's future manager--near the Côte-Sainte-Catherine Metro station in Montréal, wearing their trademark reversable caps."[27]

"The epic dance anthem that started it all, recorded the day after September 11th. With but a few fiddles, a tamborine, and a TAS [not shown], and TAS 1000 caught the ear of passerby Jay C. Watts--TAS 1000's future manager--near the Côte-Sainte-Catherine Metro station in Montréal."[28]

Florian EP

# Song Digital Release Date (.mp3) Status Description
N/A "Right On Girl" February 5th, 2002 and April 16th, 2003 Found "Nice suggestion."[29]


"This is arguably the most amazing message we have come into contact with; 'Hairstylist' is another contender for this title. The nature of the message warranted a completely different type of TAS song. Darker electronica and heavy scratching proved to be a good foundation (look for more of this kind of song in the upcoming TAS.com web-only releases). Reason it didn't make the cut: although it was recorded during the same session as 'Birthday,' it was from a different tape! The tape apparently belonged to someone named 'Florian,' and although we toyed with making an album with it a la Marta, it didn't quite have the staying power. 'Florian' just seemed to get a lot of messages about going to the gym. It sounds funny now, but trust us, it gets old."[30]

Ron Rondon Calling

# Song Digital Release Date (.mp3) Status Description
4 Unnamed Bonus Track N/A Existence Unconfirmed "WORLDWIDE. Collapsing under unrelenting fan pressure, TAS 1000 has finally released ´Ron Rondon Calling,´ a collection of ballads sung by TAS heavyweight Ron Rondon. Including such hit tracks as "(I've Been) Delayed," "Parks Canada," and "I'm at 9933," Ron Rondon Calling also includes a new, previously unreleased Rondon track. The new single retails for $5 cdn.

Currently out of stock."[11]

Unreleased TAS 1000 Songs / Outtakes

Song Digital Release Date (.mp3) Status Description
"Beau-Mark VCR" April 16th, 2003 Lost "Brian Serviss calls to report that the Beau-Mark VCR is ready for pick-up in this upbeat ska ditty. Reason it didn't make the cut: the song was not written around the message's inherent musical properties; lyrics were merely superimposed over an instrumental. Also, there is some Pro-Tools splicing of the original message, which subsequently became taboo. More of this occurs in 'Dehumidifier.'"[31]
"Critique of Pure Reason"[32] N/A Lost N/A
"Dehumidifier" April 16th, 2003 Lost "Two callers battle it out for arid supremacy in this heavy rock anthem: the timid Cheryl Gellman, and the ruthless woman known only as 'Jenkins.' Reason it didn't make the cut: this song was written with the concept in mind, and thus ignored the messages' original melodies. Also, there is heavy digital manipulation of the original messages, i.e. where Jenkins says "Give me your dehumidifier," and when Gellman appears to be panting. You know, the callers didn't actually do that; we forced them to, and in doing so, broke the Prime Directive. The overall quality isn't quite up to par either, due to the application of seven heavy electric guitar tracks. Friends, we're so sorry about this song."[33]
"The Lost (and Atrocious) (and Glorious) Protein Shoes Horns" April 22nd, 2003 Lost The out of tune horns in this piece did appear in a very early version of 'Protein Shoes.' It was debated heavily whether they were funny enough to justify staying in the song. 'No,' is what we concluded. Leaving them in would not have broken any holy TAS commandment, but we would have sacrificed the song's momentum and 'catchyness' in favour of a cheap joke that gets old pretty quick."[34]

Original Tapes

  • Denotes messages used by TAS 1000.
Used by TAS 1000 Name Digital Release Date (.mp3) Status Description
"6776" April 15th, 2003[35] Lost N/A
"9932125" April 15th, 2003[36] Lost N/A
* "9933" April 15th, 2003 Lost "I'd hate to, heh heh, book a day off for nothing. This was the first ever TAS 1000 song."[37]
"A New Ron Dawns" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Krisha's jazz class has been cancelled."[38]
"Allah Happy" April 15th, 2003 Lost "One of the most mysterious messages on the tape."[39]
"Anything At All..." April 15th, 2003 Lost "...give us a call."[40]
"Aura" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Graham"[41]
* "B4 U Leave" April 15th, 2003 Lost "The paycheque for the garoof?"[42]
* "Beau-Mark VCR" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Brian Serviss calling and I'm calling about the Beau-Mark VCR and it is ready for pick up. Thank you."[43]
* "Birthday" N/A Lost "A little comfort from 'Graham.' The song TAS 1000 made out of this message has since been played at Krysha's birthday party, ten years after the original message was left."[44]
* "Business Card Ad" April 15th, 2003 Lost "It's pretty uh cheap."[45]
"Bye-eee" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Roger and Jerry...it's mom and dad. (Note: this message is in the same key as Protein Shoes.)"[46]
"Competing Against Each Other" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Vivian Hughes offers a truce. Casting and double-casting, competing against each other. *sigh*"[47]
* "Dehumidifier 1" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Cheryl Gellman"[48]
* "Dehumidifier 2" N/A Lost "Jenkins"[49]
* "Delayed" April 15th, 2003 Found "Ten, ten fifteen. The classic Ron Rondon. Note the precision 'uhhh's."[50]
"Graham, Hold On!" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Please hang on..."[51]
"I Hate Talking" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Talking to these machines"[52]
"I Tooka Your Dress" April 15th, 2003 Lost "My husband."[53]
* "Irrigation" April 15th, 2003 Lost "Sphincter Blowout"[54]
* "Krisha's Birthday..." April 16th, 2003 Lost "...happy birthday!"[55]
"Mrs. Davis" April 16th, 2003 Lost "Oi!"[56]
"My Name Is 237" April 16th, 2003 Lost "Jenkins' victory lap."[57]
"My Name's Minelle" April 16th, 2003 Lost "More Pennysaver malarkey."[58]
"Nasal" April 16th, 2003[59] Lost N/A
* "Outgoing Message: Not A Real Person" N/A Found "Hello? Oops! Sorry (hee hee) you've got the machine, not a real person! Leave a message and we'll call you back as soon as we can! Bye!"[60]
* "Parks Canada" April 16th, 2003 Lost "Ron Rondon strikes again."[61]
* "Protein Shoes" April 16th, 2003 Lost "You took a pair. Jayne Brooks' magnum opus."[62]
* "Science and Technology" April 16th, 2003 Lost "The preffered version"[63]
"Ski Boot" April 16th, 2003 Lost "That's about all that there in the drop leaf table in my skiboot. (???)"[64]
* "Truly Fully Licensed" April 16th, 2003 Lost "AJ Whalen is truly fully licensed hairstylist."[65]
* "Ya, I'm Here" April 16th, 2003 Partially Found "Note the grotesque sax melodies. If anyone can give a positive ID on the song, TAS 1000 will pay handsomely."[66]

Gallery

A Message for Marta

  • Official release picture.

    Official release picture.

  • Cover art.

    Cover art.

  • Disc art.

    Disc art.

  • Inside insert.

    Inside insert.

  • Inside insert and alternate disc art.

    Inside insert and alternate disc art.

  • Higher quality scan of alternate disc art.

    Higher quality scan of alternate disc art.

  • Inside cover art.

    Inside cover art.

  • Outside cover art.

    Outside cover art.

  • Alternate album art.

    Alternate album art.

Ron Rondon Calling

  • Cover art.

    Cover art.

Other

  • TAS 1000's redesigned website banner.

    TAS 1000's redesigned website banner.

External Links

References

  1. ↑ TAS 1000's old News page. Retrieved 12 Aug '21
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 TAS 1000's About Page. Retrieved 05 Nov '20
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 How Club Penguin Music was Composed on an Answering Machine by The Science Elf. Retrieved 06 Nov '20
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 TAS 1000 Facebook fan account. Retrieved 30 Nov '20
  5. ↑ TAS 1000's About Page for The Vault (MP3s) Retrieved 25 Nov '20
  6. ↑ Photo of A Message for Marta's CD case insert and disc art. Retrieved 25 Nov '20
  7. ↑ A Message for Marta's announcement page for online release. Retrieved 01 Dec '20
  8. ↑ First Wayback Machine capture of TAS 1000's Archives Page on WayBack Machine. Retrieved 25 Nov '20
  9. ↑ Last capture of TAS 1000's old Archives page. Retrieved 25 Nov '20
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 10.2 First Wayback Machine capture of TAS 1000's redesigned Archives page. Retrieved 25 Nov '20
  11. ↑ 11.0 11.1 Ron Rondon Calling's announcement page for online release 25 Nov '20
  12. ↑ Ron Rondon Calling's store page Retrieved 25 Nov '20
  13. ↑ TAS 1000 blog post describing Ron Rondon Calling as a "sham." Retrieved 01 Dec '20
  14. ↑ "Not A Real Person" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  15. ↑ First Wayback Machine capture of old "(I've Been) Delayed" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  16. ↑ First Wayback Machine capture of redesigned "(I've Been) Delayed" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  17. ↑ First Wayback Machine capture of old "Protein Shoes" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  18. ↑ First Wayback Machine capture of redesigned "Protein Shoes" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  19. ↑ "Birthday" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  20. ↑ "I Am Truly Fully Licensed Hairstylist" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  21. ↑ "Ya, I'm Here" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  22. ↑ "Science And Technology" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  23. ↑ "Business Card Ad" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  24. ↑ "Irrigation" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  25. ↑ "Parks Canada" song description. Retrieved 02 Nov '20
  26. ↑ "Before You Leave" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  27. ↑ "I'm at 9933" old song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  28. ↑ "I'm at 9933" new song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  29. ↑ First Wayback Machine capture of old "Right On Girl" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  30. ↑ First Wayback Machine capture of resigned "Right On Girl" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  31. ↑ "Beau-Mark VCR" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  32. ↑ The only Wayback Machine capture of TAS 1000's Archive page which references "Critique of Pure Reason." Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  33. ↑ "Dehumidifier" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  34. ↑ "The Lost (and Atrocious) (and Glorious) Protein Shoes Horns" song description. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  35. ↑ "6776" tape download page. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  36. ↑ "9932125" tape download page. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  37. ↑ "9933" tape download page. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  38. ↑ "A New Ron Dawns" tape download page. Retrieved 02 Dec '20
  39. ↑ "Allah Happy" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  40. ↑ "Anything At All..." tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  41. ↑ "Aura" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  42. ↑ "B4 U Leave" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  43. ↑ "Beau-Mark VCR" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  44. ↑ "Birthday" tape description. Retreved 03 Dec '20
  45. ↑ "Business Card Ad" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  46. ↑ "Bye-eee" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  47. ↑ "Competing Against Each Other" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  48. ↑ "Dehumidifier 1" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  49. ↑ "Dehumidifier 2" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  50. ↑ "Delayed" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  51. ↑ "Graham, Hold On!" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  52. ↑ "I Hate Talking" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  53. ↑ I Tooka Your Dress" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  54. ↑ "Irrigation" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  55. ↑ "Krisha's Birthday..." tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  56. ↑ "Mrs. Davis" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  57. ↑ "My Name Is 237" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  58. ↑ "My Name's Minelle" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  59. ↑ "Nasal" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  60. ↑ "Outgoing Message: Not A Real Person" tape description. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  61. ↑ "Parks Canada" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  62. ↑ "Protein Shoes" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  63. ↑ "Science and Technology" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  64. ↑ "Ski Boot" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  65. ↑ "Truly Fully Licensed" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
  66. ↑ "Ya, I'm Here" tape download page. Retrieved 03 Dec '20
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